CLASS OF 1958   
 Page last changed 01/01/18
                           FUNNY PAPERS

Tennessee Whiskey
Chris Stapleton
Pine murmurs 2018

Remember these?

For you vegans.  Not for me.

Can't help it.  Walmart photos are so
much fun.  And yes I shop there but
         The 'world's healthiest burger' has 50 ingredients

    A burger and fries may sound more like an indulgent meal rather than a healthy one, but
    not when London nutritionist Libby Lemon is behind the grill. This healthy chef created a
    50-ingredient, meatless burger that she claims is the healthiest in the world. Bonus? It can
    supposedly ease your hangover, too.

    Dubbed a “nutria-burger,” the concoction is made with a matcha gluten-free bun and a
    beet, natto (fermented soybeans), quinoa, and mushroom patty, as well as other unusual
    ingredients like seaweed cider vinegar, hemp protein powder, activated almonds, white
    matcha tea powder, heritage tomatoes and bee pollen. The burger is also served with a
    side of purple and orange sweet potato fries.

    If a super-nutritious burger packed with more ingredients than you can imagine sounds
    tempting, you can enter for a chance to win a free nutria-burger and eat it at the Magpie
    and Stump, courtesy of Groupon. Sadly, you have to be a UK resident to enter the drawing,
    so we’ll just sit back with our simple quinoa and Portobello mushrooms.
Maxine and her creator.

    Can I go to bed now?   

    This is all I have for this
    month.  I tried and I'm
                                           VERNON'S FUNERAL

    Vernon works hard at the Phone Company but spends two nights each week bowling,
    and plays golf every Saturday.

    His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local
    strip club.

    The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Vern! How ya doing?"

    His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
    "Oh no," says Vern. "He's in my bowling league..."

    When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern if he'd like his usual and brings over a

    His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you
    drink Budweiser?"

    "I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.  I always have a Bud at the end of
    the 1st nine, honey."

    A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Vern, starts to rub
    herself all over him and says...

    "Hi Vern. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

    Vern's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

    Vern follows and spots her getting into a cab.  Before she can slam the door, he jumps in
    beside her.

    Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone
    else, but his wife is having none of it.  She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs,
    calling him every 4 letter word in the book..

    The cabby turns around and says,

    'Geez Vern, you picked up a real bitch this time.'

    John Wagner, Hallmark artist since 1970, says Maxine was
    inspired by his mother, his maiden aunts and his
    grandmother, the woman who bought him art lessons
    when 'fill in the pumpkins' was about the extent of his art
    classes at St. John's Catholic School in Leonia, N.J.

    John remembers doodling as a preschooler and says both
    his grandmother and his mother encouraged his artistic
    interests.. He eventually attended the Vesper George
    School of Art in Boston and landed at Hallmark as part of a
    new artists group. But it was the birth of the humorous
    Shoebox Greetings (a tiny little division of Hallmark) in
    1986 that added a new dimension to John's professional
    life.  The Shoebox way of seeing the world unleashed his
    talents and he created Maxine.

    Why the name 'Maxine'? 'People at Shoebox starte
    referring to the character as 'John Wagner's old lady,' and I
    knew that would get me into trouble with my wife,' John
    says. The Shoebox team had a contest among themselves
    to name the character and three of the approximately 30
    entries suggested 'Maxine'. John says the name is perfect.
    John, who says he's humbled by such acceptance of
    Maxine, admits he's proud of her.

    Now you know the story of how Maxine came to be.
Here we go with the hair again.  You bald guys check out there hair products yet?
Must not run out of caffeine and sugar.
Or this will happen.
Told you to put on sunscreen!
Works for me.
Must be Los Vegas Walmart
Keep looking.
Watch me kid.