CLASS OF 1958   
 Page last changed 12/01/17
                           FUNNY PAPERS

I Believe in Father Christmas
Pine murmurs 2017
                                                       News of the day

    A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando were captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of
    the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

    The CNN reporter said, ‘Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.” The leader
    nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger & fries. The reporter ate it and said “Now, I
    can die.”

    The BBC reporter said, ‘I’m a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene
    here and what’s about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till
    the end.” The terror leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and dictated some comments. The
    reporter then said, ‘Now I can die knowing I stayed true until the end.”

    The leader turned and said, “And now, Mr. Israeli tough guy, what is your final wish?”

    “Kick me in the “Tuchus” (ass), said the soldier.

    “What?’ asked the leader, “Will you mock us in your last hour?”

    “No, I’m not kidding. I want you to kick me in the Ass,” insisted the Israeli. So the leader shoved him into the
    open and kicked him in the tuchus.

    The soldier went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from under his flak jacket, and shot
    the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he jumped to his knapsack, pulled out his carbine and sprayed
    the terrorists with gunfire. In a flash, all terrorists were either dead or fleeing for their lives.

    As the soldier was untying the reporters, they asked him, “Why didn’t you just shoot them in the beginning?
    Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass first?”

    “What?” replied the Israeli, “and have you report that I was the aggressor?”

A few cartoons

Why we can't leave dad's in charge.

    1. Why do blond's tip-toe past medicine cabinets?
    So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills.

    2. How do you keep a blond busy?
    Write “flip” on both sides of a sheet of paper.

    3. How do you keep a blond in the shower all day?
    Hand her a bottle of shampoo that says “lather, rinse, repeat.”

    4. Why did the blond get so excited about finishing a jigsaw puzzle in six months?
    Because the box said it was for “2 to 4 years.”

    5. What did the blond say after glimpsing a box of Cheerios?
    “OMG! Donut seeds!”

    6. What’s every blond’s dream in life?
    To be like Vanna White and actually learn the alphabet.

    7. How do you know if a blond’s been using your computer?
    You’ll find White Out all over the screen.

    8. Why do blond's love boob jobs?
    It’s really the only job they’re qualified for.

    9. What did the blond say when she found out she was pregnant?
    “I wonder if it’s mine.”

    10. Why do blond's stare at orange juice containers for hours on end?
    Because they say “concentrate.”

    11. Why did the blond put her iPad in the blender?
    She was trying to make apple juice.

    12. How do you drown a blond?
    Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

    13. Why don’t blond's talk during sex?
    Their moms taught them never to speak to strangers.

    14. Three blond's walk into a building
    You’d think at least one of them would’ve seen it.

    15. How do you confuse a blond?
    Put her in a circle and tell her to sit in the corner.

    16. What do you call a blond with an actual brain?
    A golden retriever.

    Alright, enough about blond's.  We need to give them a rest so that they can continue to entertain us.

I'm needen a change this month.

Blondes can't win.  

    Published March 09, 2017

    This isn't just any corned beef sandwich — this is the "biggest and best corned beef in
    Cleveland" (albeit self-proclaimed). It is pretty big, though: Sandwiches are generally
    topped with 12 to 14 ounces of corned beef. On an average day, the spot serves 600 to
    800 pounds of the stuff, and on St. Patrick’s Day, that number swells to a about a ton. Past
    celebrity guests have included President George W. Bush, Rachael Ray, Vice President Joe
    Biden, and Senator Sherrod Brown, to name a few.

    I want to get my name on this list.  webmaster
When the Cheerios Challenge went viral all over the
Internet, parents (mostly men), attempted to stack
the largest number of Cheerios on their baby’s head
while the child was sleeping. This dad fully mastered
the art of Cheerio stacking and was proclaimed one
of the best in the art form.  Mom was shopping.
Napkin or tongue.  I think he choose right.
Daddy said I could color mommy.
Really bad dad!
Come on dad, get a cart.
I don't see a problem here.
Oops!  I married him.
Just funning.  Right?
I'm watching football, go play.
Get us out of here.  We were just exploring.
We'll send this one to the US.  They'll never know.
Let me in or you WILL pay a price.
Ow.  I was just playing.
Ease up dude, I wasn't going to eat you.
Shit.  I've done these stairs a hundred times.
Gees mom I am not a baby anymore.
How you doing on that diet?
This is not my day.
I'm was sure there was food in there.
Why do we always laugh when someone falls on the ice?
Looks like food but doesn't smell right.
Did China screw us again?
A couple of jokes for us old folks.

Now where in the hell did I put my
computer so I can upload this
conglomeration of foolish stuff.
Why you read it I'll never know.
Hi mommy, dad and I are having fun.
No problem here either.
Dads mind works in strange ways.
We have so much fun when mom's gone.
I think daddy is creative.
Well men can multi-task too.
What fun.
Works for me.